From Victim to Victor or Not From

Where I Stand: Shifting from “Poor Me” to “Woohoo!”

Remember the other day how I shared a bit of my past? That deep-seated ache from a family betrayal, then the brutal silencing by the very person who should have protected me? Yeah, that. For a long time, that story was my whole identity. It was a comfortable, albeit cramped, little room where I could lick my wounds and explain away pretty much everything. But here I am, still breathing, still kicking, and definitely not silenced. And that’s not because I magically woke up one day cured. It’s because I started to see the stark, often hilarious, differences between two ways of living.

Think of it like this: on one side of the street, you’ve got the "Victim". Their daily forecast is cloudy with a high chance of resentment. On the other, the "Victor" is soaking up the sun, occasionally tripping over their own feet but always, always getting back up. Let’s peek into their lives, shall we? The Inner World: What’s Brewing Inside? You can spot a “Victim” a mile away by the emotional soup they’re simmering. Fear is often the main ingredient, seasoned with a generous helping of self-doubt and a dash of bitterness. They’re like emotional hoarders, stuffing feelings into every crevice, terrified of letting anyone see the real mess inside. Intimacy? That’s like asking them to walk a tightrope over a pit of quicksand – nope, not happening.

Now, the “Victor”? Their emotional pantry is stocked with joy, and they’ve got this quiet hum I like to call “God-fidence” – a knowing that they’re exactly where they’re supposed to be. They’re not afraid to put all their emotional cards on the table, especially with the people they love. In fact, they practically throw confetti at the idea of real connection.

The Heart of the Matter: Open or Closed for Business?

A “Victim’s” heart often feels like a fortress, armed to the teeth and always ready for battle. They might take love in, but it’s like a one-way street; it gets stuck in their internal traffic jam. And when it comes to change? Good luck convincing a mule to give up its stubborn ways. Their heart is locked down, signed, sealed, and delivered with a big ol’ “Entitled” stamp.

The “Victor,” on the other hand, has a heart that’s wide open, a “Welcome Home” mat permanently rolled out. They’re grateful, not grasping. Peace is their preferred state, not perpetual war. They’re not just capable of receiving love; they’re like a wellspring, overflowing with it and pouring it out onto everyone around them. Their heart isn’t just open; it’s practically a sponge, eager to soak up new ideas and learn from anyone and everyone.

Actions Speak Louder: The Daily Grind

Watch a “Victim” in action, and you’ll often see someone shrinking into the background, clutching their bitterness like a favorite blanket. Every conversation feels like an interrogation, every criticism a personal attack. They’re masters of the blame game, quick to point fingers and slow to take responsibility. Their schedule? It’s a chaotic monster that runs them ragged, and don’t even ask them to problem-solve. Their favorite phrase is usually, “That’s impossible because...” and frankly, they can suck the air out of a room faster than a vacuum cleaner.

Now, the “Victor.” They stride with a different kind of energy. They tackle challenges head-on, not with aggression, but with a quiet assertiveness. Forgiveness is their superpower, not bitterness. Instead of guarding themselves, they’re busy protecting others, their focus outward, not inward. When something goes wrong, they’re the first to say, “My bad.” They transform offenses into opportunities for grace. And their minds? They’re not just fantasizing; they’re imagining possibilities, creating solutions, and energizing everyone lucky enough to be in their orbit. “Let me show you how we can do it” is their anthem.

Mindset: Scarcity vs. Abundance

The “Victim” operates from a “not enough” mentality. There’s not enough love, not enough money, not enough pie. Their needs come first, last, and always. And deep down, they might just be doing a little jig when someone else stumbles, because if others are bad, then hey, that makes them look good, right?

The “Victor” sees the world differently. Their motto is “more than enough.” There’s plenty to go around, and they’re quick to share, whether it’s their time, their resources, or their last piece of chocolate. They’re the cheerleaders in the crowd, actively helping others climb to success. They know their own worth, so they don’t need anyone else to be less than to feel good about themselves.

Beliefs: What’s Your Truth?

The “Victim’s” internal narrative often sounds like this: “Everyone else is the problem... and so am I.” They cling to secrets like life rafts, believing they offer safety, when in reality, those secrets are slowly poisoning them. They might believe they’re loved for what they do, not who they ‘are’. And that old chestnut, “God is in control,” can become a convenient excuse for inaction.

The “Victor” has had a serious heart-to-heart with themselves. They realize ‘they’ are the problem, but also, gloriously, ‘they’ are the solution. They’ve learned that secrets don’t keep you safe; they keep you sick. They understand they are loved unconditionally, not for achievements, but for their very being. And they’ve embraced the radical idea that their choices, their free will, are the keys to unlocking change.

Spiritually Speaking: Closed Off or Connected?

A “Victim’s” spiritual life can feel like a dusty old attic – closed off, neglected, and full of complaints. God? They’re often seen as the cosmic fun-police, holding them back from joy. Tithing? “My money is my money, thank you very much.” Their theology is often shame-based, a belief that they are inherently flawed or even a mistake.

The “Victor” has flung open the spiritual windows. Their relationship with God isn’t a complaint session; it’s a constant conversation, full of gratitude, even when life throws a curveball. They’ve discovered that God isn’t about restraining fun but about protecting them from self-destruction. Their theology is steeped in freedom, grace, and mercy. And when it comes to giving, their generosity extends beyond their wallet, mirroring the abundance they feel in their spirit.

Seeing these two paths laid out, sharp and clear, has been my personal roadmap. It’s how I started to pick up the pieces, dust myself off, and step into a healing and freedom that’s truly my own. It’s not always easy, sometimes I still stumble back into old patterns, but knowing the difference? That’s everything.

What about you? Can you see a bit of yourself on both sides of the street?

The Fine Print (and the Not-So-Fine Print)

It’s tempting to think everyone on the “Victim” side is simply… well, a victim, passively suffering. But life, as always, is far more nuanced, and occasionally, a bit of a dark comedy. While I’m out here trying to embrace my inner Victor (and occasionally tripping over my own two feet in the process), it’s worth noting that not everyone on the “Victim” side is just seeking solace. Some have truly mastered the art of weaponizing that position. They’ve perfected the “poor me” act, turning it into a battering ram, especially with a ready-made audience in the media. A well-timed tear or a carefully crafted narrative can become a surprisingly effective weapon, twisting every perceived slight into a viral sensation. It’s a performance art, really, and some are truly Oscar-worthy in their ability to orchestrate public sympathy, ensuring they remain the unblemished protagonist, all while effectively redirecting consequences. It’s a curious thing, how a perceived wound can become a tool for inflicting new ones. Just something to ponder as you navigate the internet’s wild west.

It takes immense courage to speak our truth, and our vulnerability is a powerful foundation for connecting.