“Big Beautiful Bill (whose tax cuts are HUGE, just like he says he is!)

Although the country faces severe economic and global challenges, one of MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell’s commentaries prioritizes the president’s obsession with his ‘size’ – his hands and lower anatomy in relation to the opulent size of his taxpayer-funded flying palace. Riveting stuff, truly. My own concerns about his, shall we say, ‘size’ and its impact on national affairs are only slightly less pressing than the looming deadlines for my corporate finance, managerial accounting, and business law classes. Trying to focus on balance sheets and legal precedents is proving a tad difficult with this ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ – honestly, the name alone sounds like something dreamed up during naptime with a drool-covered crayon. You almost expect it to prioritize funding for bouncy castles and unlimited candy rather than, you know, keeping the economy afloat and people healthy. It brings to mind that timeless piece of wisdom: ‘You can’t fix stupid, but you can vote it out!’ A sentiment I sincerely hope voters apply when they recognize this administration’s childish fixations and this tax bill for the utter nonsense it is.

Speaking of things even a toddler could grasp, let’s consider a hypothetical 17% flat tax – Steve Forbes’ blast from the ‘90s. Compare that to the labyrinthine tax rates proposed in the 2025 BBB, using our trusty examples of those scraping by on $30,000, the comfortably situated at $300,000, and the stratospherically wealthy at $300 million annually. Shockingly, this ‘simple’ flat tax would leave more money in the pockets of ‘everyone’, with the fortunate few at the top naturally enjoying a veritable Scrooge McDuck money bin of savings. And yes, we’ll even toss in a generous $15,000 personal exemption for everyone, because fairness! Imagine, a tax system so elegantly uncomplicated that even those of us still battling student loan debt could decipher it! But alas, why opt for clarity when we can embrace the ‘beauty’ of Byzantine complexity?

Which, in its infinite wisdom, brings us to the proposed BBB. This stroke of genius manages to promise even ‘lower’ taxes for our beloved titans of industry and the one-percenters than either our current system or that quaint flat tax of yesteryear. A truly magnanimous gesture! And how do we propose to pay for this showering of blessings upon the already blessed? Why, by gently suggesting that maybe a few million people can do without healthcare. Losing your lifeline might be a ‘minor’ inconvenience, after all. So, while our captains of capitalism might see their tax burden lighten by a breezy $60 million, the resulting denial of medical care for countless vulnerable souls represents a loss so profound it dwarfs any spreadsheet ‘savings’ for us mere mortals who might actually rely on, you know, ‘living’. So, the eternal question echoes: what gives? What twisted logic dictates that the urgent need is not for accessible healthcare, but for even more opulent lifestyles for the already obscenely wealthy?

But hey, who needs the pesky burden of affordable healthcare when we can cultivate an even more fertile breeding ground for billionaires? I’ve even brainstormed a cost-saving initiative: Operation Streamline Healthcare, El Salvador Edition! Picture this: masked ICE agents, in the dead of night, swiftly and efficiently relocating Medicaid recipients directly to El Salvador. Problem solved! Think of the efficiency! Think of the savings! What a brilliantly humane way to ‘streamline’ those pesky healthcare costs – simply make the recipients disappear.

So, let’s not mince words about this BBB. It’s a thinly veiled decree: ‘To our esteemed billionaires, please accept this complimentary $60 million tax reduction! Consider it a small token of our profound admiration. Meanwhile, the ‘child’ president and his merry band of economic geniuses are wielding a rusty axe at the very foundations of Medicaid, leaving those of us actually struggling to afford groceries, let alone medical bills, to face the terrifying prospect of losing our healthcare. A $3,000 blow when you’re already teetering on the edge? That’s not a budget line item; that’s a life sentence. So, again, the burning question: what gives? This isn’t economic policy; its grand larceny disguised as legislation! And frankly, who needs the tiresome inconvenience of accessible medical care when we can have even ‘more’ individuals with enough wealth to launch themselves into space on a whim?

Yes, the champagne corks are practically sonic booms in the Hamptons as the Medicaid rolls are quietly being purged. A truly inspiring vision of shared prosperity.

And while I’m on this delightful roll of cynicism, let’s dissect this nauseatingly virtuous-sounding initiative to ‘eliminate fraud and waste.’ The very words drip with a sanctimonious hollowness. Oh yes, ‘incidentally’, who wouldn’t want to stumble upon these mythical creatures? Right up there with the Loch Ness Monster and politicians who actually read the bills they vote on. They present the earnest pursuit of eradicating fraud and waste as a monumental revelation, akin to discovering gravity. Well, isn’t that a profoundly original concept? Eliminating bad things! Someone fetch the MacArthur genius grant! Perhaps we should establish a national task force dedicated to the rigorous study of where this elusive ‘fraud and waste’ might be nesting? Shocking, truly shocking, that anyone would dare defend its existence. But the crucial question remains: at whose expense will this noble quest be undertaken? Because history suggests that ‘efficiency’ often has a very specific target. Next, we’ll be solving climate change with thoughts and achieving world peace through interpretive dance.

Furthermore, let’s not forget our ‘child’ president, a comedic masterpiece indeed – if the consequences of his profoundly uninformed opinions weren’t so…well, consequential. The delightful paradox of someone wielding immense power while simultaneously harboring the intellectual depth of a puddle is truly a sight to behold.

To circle back to the point, lest anyone mistake this for a lighthearted chat about presidential accessories, the BBB is not some abstract economic theory. It’s a cold, hard calculation that funnels vast sums of money to the wealthiest while simultaneously yanking the rug out from under the most vulnerable among us. They preach ‘fiscal responsibility’ while wielding a machete at a program that literally keeps people alive.

So, yes, I’ll keep asking: what gives? What moral compass allows for the enrichment of the few at the direct expense of the health and well-being of the many? What a breathtakingly ‘efficient’ way to manage healthcare costs: simply deny it to those who need it. Indeed, the confidently ignorant pronouncements of our ‘child’ president and his acolytes are far less amusing when they’re translated into policies that shred the social safety net. Wouldn’t you agree?